THE DAILY ISLAMIC REMINDERS. YaumulAhad, 14th Jumaadal Awwal 1440, (Sunday, 20th January, 2019). Treating our wives well for ALLAH sake. It's a bit long but educational so relax on bed and use your free day today and read through please. BismilLaahir Rahmaanir Raheem. The foremost quality which Muslim men desire in a wife, after beauty and physical attractiveness, is that she be obedient, and that she do their chores without being told e.g. cooking their meals, or doing the laundry. However, it is a fact that there is a difference of opinion among Islamic scholars regarding whether it is obligatory or preferred (mustahab) for a wife to serve her husband. Majority declare it to be praiseworthy but not obligatory, even though most Muslim women happily do their household work themselves, without being asked. The Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alaihi wasallam did his personal chores himself most of the time, and we do not know of any ahadith in which his wives were known to serve him elaborately. Therefore, the good Muslim husband truly appreciates the work his wife does around the house. If she forgets something, he overlooks it and remains silent. He also consults her in important matters before making the final decision e.g. naming their children, changing his job, making an investment, going on a trip, having his family members move in, or in even small matters such as what she'd like to order for herself when they eat out at a restaurant. He never overlooks her say in these matters. Unmarried men usually have no idea of the tremendous physical pain that ALLAH has decreed for the daughters of Aadam Alaihi Salaam. They find this out after marriage, when they witness their wife going through monthly cramps, or the rigors of pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding. If nothing more, it should increase their respect for women in general. However, some married Muslim men stay out late at night with friends, at clubs, restaurants, games or the movies to the extend of chatting with other women in fornication Astaqfirullah, while their pregnant or newly-mother wife stays at home with the baby. They hand over the responsibility of taking care of her to their mothers or sisters. This behavior is inappropriate, and it will cause hatred to develop in the wife's heart. The good Muslim husband offers extra moral and physical support to his wife during these difficult phases in her life. Don't feel your manly ego busted if you have to give the baby its bottle or pacify it, while your wife attends to an older child or her own genuine needs. The Muslim husband is a doting and hands-on father; and this attribute makes his wife love him even more! Occasionally washing the dishes, vacuuming the carpets, making your own breakfast or tea (especially if your wife is asleep or not well), or cooking a simple meal will raise your status in your wife's eyes and increase love for you in her heart. Contrary to what Asian culture dictates, a man doesn't become effeminate by doing household chores. He, in fact, becomes more manly and attractive to his spouse. It goes without saying that chores such as getting groceries on the weekend, taking your wife to her doctor, fixing the faucet or mowing the lawn should also be taken care of by you the husband. Praise her small gestures or good traits openly, especially before your family: It takes only three small words to give your wife a compliment, and it doesn't have to be every day, but it will have an enormous impact on your marital relationship. Those three words could be "This tastes delicious", or "You look good". Also, if you praise her within moderation in front of your family members, even if she Remember that your wife will age and her beauty will die: Men have been programmed by Allah to desire beauty in women. However, a wise Muslim man knows that just like everything else in this world that glitters, the beauty of his wife (or of any other woman, for that matter), is temporary. Hence, he focuses more on her other important and more long-lasting good traits. ALLAH says in the Qur'an: "..and treat them (i.e. your wives) kindly; then if you hate them, it may be that you dislike a thing while ALLAH has placed abundant good in it." [Qur'an - 4: 19]. Most men desire children; however, they soon witness that having children makes their wives' bodies lose their shape. A good Muslim husband therefore, reminds himself that beauty is of secondary importance, especially when the Shaytaan makes non-mahram women appear more attractive to him. He reminds himself that the only permanent pleasure of beholding perpetually beautiful women is reserved for righteous people in Paradise, and its existence in the world is fleeting, and a deception of Shaytaan. It is imperative that the husband make his wife fulfill the obligations of Islam, by using gentle reminders and arranging her education about Islam. He should ensure that she performs the five daily prayers on time, fasts during Ramadan, pays the zakaah on her gold/silver/money, and wears modest clothing with hijab in front of men. She should also be taught how to recite the Qur'an properly, and trained in implementing the essential principles of Islamic character-building in the upbringing of her children. Finally, the good Muslim husband should keep in mind that women of the world always come with their shortcomings - they are, at times, cranky, emotional, irrational, moody, sharp-tongued, gullible and prone to tattle. They have two hormones gushing in their bodies, as a result of which their moods and feelings swing between extremities like a pendulum. Put up with her irrational behavior - the unjust accusations, suspicion, complaining, crying, screaming, and shouting - for the sake of ALLAH. Remember that ALLAH made her that way - i.e. she's beautiful to behold; you can't do without her company; the house seems desolate when she leaves; but when she's with you, she will display her negative traits too. Be patient and overlook them. Narrated Abu Hurairah [may Allah be pleased with him], ALLAH'S Messenger said: "Woman was created from a bent rib. If you want to enjoy her, you enjoy her while she is still bent. If you will try to straighten her, you will break her." [Sahih Al-Bukhari, Sahih Muslim. That's wise isn't it? May ALLAH aid us to handle our wives gently and respectfully. Aameen.